your prayers -- i would love. i'm not myself these days...and right now i'm really down...a bit depressed...negative... things that aren't me. i'm also angry, lonely, sad, and wishing that 2006 had not begun...that it was still 2005...
dear friends...please share some encouragement and God's word with me...
Friday, March 17, 2006
Thursday, March 16, 2006
unofficially and now officially...
i am on the substitute teacher list for the bradford area school district. one high school, one middle school, and two elementary schools. this will be interesting.
am i really able to be a substitute? i'll find out soon!
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
Elisabeth Elliot on waiting...
Waiting on God requires the willingness to bear uncertainty,
i haven't been so willing lately...
to carry within oneself the unanswered question,
definitely haven't wanted to carry those questions!
lifting the heart to God about it whenever it intrudes upon one's thoughts.
and sadly i haven't done that as much as i should or need to...
i hate waiting!! God help me...
Thursday, March 09, 2006
i fell in love yesterday...
with a sweet boy who has been dealt an unfair life. he's probably only 7 or so...and he has some sort of illness that affects his movement.
but i fell in love with him.
we exchanged smiles. i'm pretty sure he's a little kindred spirit. his eyes told me so.
how did we meet?
my grandad volunteers his driving skills (and he's 83!!). there's a children's hospital in erie, pennsylvania where he takes ill children to for doctors appointments. a parent comes along as well.
on tuesday grandad had called and asked if i wanted to be his co-driver...after thinking about it, i decided i would--since it'd be a way that i could get out of the house!
i didn't know that i would fall in love, though....
i love exchanging smiles...especially with children. they're so sweet! (and you know, even if they aren't sweet, a smile can usually bring a tiny bit of sweetness out of them!)
when we arrived at the hospital, we ate lunch in the cafeteria. i helped dennis get his drink....he had difficulty opening the refrigerator door...he thanked me.
then i went ahead and found a table and sat down. as dennis and his mom were coming closer, she asked dennis where he was going to sit. he looked shyly at me and then chose the seat next to me. (smile)
when we had finished eating...we all sat for a bit at the table. it wasn't quite time for his appointment. i had leaned back in my chair, and dennis turned and looked at me. i smiled. he turned and looked at me again. his mom spoke up kind of roughly, "what are you looking at?" dennis didn't say anything.
after the appointment, when we were leaving the hospital, the mom was helping dennis get in the van and he spoke, "it smells like bugs out here. dead bugs." (it was a rainy day). i was laughing so hard inside! what a great thing to say! if only all of you could have heard his voice....just priceless.
during the ride back to bradford from erie, i glanced back at dennis different times. more exchanged glances...and occasional smiles. it's a nice game to play.
we arrived at his home. i said goodbye to dennis and as his mom was carrying him out of the van, he reached his hand out toward me--and i was able to shake just a finger before he was gone. there was such a sweetness in his face.
i hope i see him again. and i hope he remembers the day of our exchanged smiles. :)
but i fell in love with him.
we exchanged smiles. i'm pretty sure he's a little kindred spirit. his eyes told me so.
how did we meet?
my grandad volunteers his driving skills (and he's 83!!). there's a children's hospital in erie, pennsylvania where he takes ill children to for doctors appointments. a parent comes along as well.
on tuesday grandad had called and asked if i wanted to be his co-driver...after thinking about it, i decided i would--since it'd be a way that i could get out of the house!
i didn't know that i would fall in love, though....
i love exchanging smiles...especially with children. they're so sweet! (and you know, even if they aren't sweet, a smile can usually bring a tiny bit of sweetness out of them!)
when we arrived at the hospital, we ate lunch in the cafeteria. i helped dennis get his drink....he had difficulty opening the refrigerator door...he thanked me.
then i went ahead and found a table and sat down. as dennis and his mom were coming closer, she asked dennis where he was going to sit. he looked shyly at me and then chose the seat next to me. (smile)
when we had finished eating...we all sat for a bit at the table. it wasn't quite time for his appointment. i had leaned back in my chair, and dennis turned and looked at me. i smiled. he turned and looked at me again. his mom spoke up kind of roughly, "what are you looking at?" dennis didn't say anything.
after the appointment, when we were leaving the hospital, the mom was helping dennis get in the van and he spoke, "it smells like bugs out here. dead bugs." (it was a rainy day). i was laughing so hard inside! what a great thing to say! if only all of you could have heard his voice....just priceless.
during the ride back to bradford from erie, i glanced back at dennis different times. more exchanged glances...and occasional smiles. it's a nice game to play.
we arrived at his home. i said goodbye to dennis and as his mom was carrying him out of the van, he reached his hand out toward me--and i was able to shake just a finger before he was gone. there was such a sweetness in his face.
i hope i see him again. and i hope he remembers the day of our exchanged smiles. :)
still no job. everything seems to be waiting for next week.
~roberts will call next week if they want to have an interview with me.
~the school board has a meeting next week; part of that meeting: approving me to substitute teach.
~a part-time job at a clothing/department store will call next week letting me know whether i will start work there or not.
*why is it that sometimes what you wait for can be answered all in one week? i'm not complaining...i mean it's kind of nice that after next week i will know a lot more about my current job life than i do now!
~roberts will call next week if they want to have an interview with me.
~the school board has a meeting next week; part of that meeting: approving me to substitute teach.
~a part-time job at a clothing/department store will call next week letting me know whether i will start work there or not.
*why is it that sometimes what you wait for can be answered all in one week? i'm not complaining...i mean it's kind of nice that after next week i will know a lot more about my current job life than i do now!
i'm not a fan of country music, but my heart sings with this song...
"Jesus Take The Wheel"
She was driving last Friday on her way to Cincinnati
On a snow white Christmas Eve
Going home to see her Mama and her Daddy with the baby in the backseat
Fifty miles to go and she was running low on faith and gasoline
It's been a long hard year
She had a lot on her mind and she didn't pay attention
She was going way too fast
Before she knew it she was spinning on a thin black sheet of glass
She saw both their lives flash before her eyes
She didn't even have time to cry
She was sooo scared
She threw her hands up in the air
Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this all on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel
It was still getting colder when she made it to the shoulder
And the car came to a stop
She cried when she saw that baby in the backseat sleeping like a rock
And for the first time in a long time
She bowed her head to pray
She said I'm sorry for the way
I've been living my life
I know I've got to change
So from now on tonight
Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on
Oh, Jesus take the wheel
Oh, I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
Save me from this road I'm on
From this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel
Oh, take it, take it from me
Oh, why, oh
She was driving last Friday on her way to Cincinnati
On a snow white Christmas Eve
Going home to see her Mama and her Daddy with the baby in the backseat
Fifty miles to go and she was running low on faith and gasoline
It's been a long hard year
She had a lot on her mind and she didn't pay attention
She was going way too fast
Before she knew it she was spinning on a thin black sheet of glass
She saw both their lives flash before her eyes
She didn't even have time to cry
She was sooo scared
She threw her hands up in the air
Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this all on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel
It was still getting colder when she made it to the shoulder
And the car came to a stop
She cried when she saw that baby in the backseat sleeping like a rock
And for the first time in a long time
She bowed her head to pray
She said I'm sorry for the way
I've been living my life
I know I've got to change
So from now on tonight
Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on
Oh, Jesus take the wheel
Oh, I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
Save me from this road I'm on
From this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel
Oh, take it, take it from me
Oh, why, oh
ha. how nice!
| You Belong in Rome |
 You're a big city girl with a small town heart Which is why you're attracted to the romance of Rome Strolling down picture perfect streets, cappuccino in hand And gorgeous Italian men - could life get any better? |
Sunday, March 05, 2006
personal honesty: pure and raw
the other day susana called me. it was wonderful to talk with her. i really appreciate the frienship that God blessed us with. during our conversation we talked about different scenes in the chronicles of narnia that have made a lasting impression on each of us.
the scene susana shared was from 'the silver chair', when jill is in the home of the giants and she begins to cry. lewis takes care to point out that tears are not childish but sometimes necessary. this simple part of the book was just what susana needed on one particular day.
i find myself in that place now. some tears come from time to time. i'm not happy. i'm quite sad actually. and i'm unable to shake it. i know it's something that God is working through me...
i watched a movie this evening... 'fried green tomatoes'...it's an alright movie. there was a line that stood out to me. "heartbreaks happen, but the heart goes on beating."
i loved my time in amsterdam working at the shelter jordan and living in the willemsstraat. my life in amsterdam was full, and i was fully alive in it, experiencing a much more abundant life than i had ever experienced. all of my senses were working overtime (and not just my senses but my heart and my mind and my emotions)... and i didn't mind it at all.
i've been home 2 months. what do i have to show in these 2 months? nothing like what i could share in just a week in the hostel! it's sad.
you know...i've never been this deep in sorrow before...but my feeling 2 months after finishing at the shelter jordan is one of heartbreak. and i know heartbreak happens, and the heart does go on beating, but honestly (it's scarey even writing this), i'd be content if my heart stopped beating.
i've probably shocked some of you at what i've just written. i wanted to be honest, and this is the first time i've admitted this thought that keeps appearing and annoying me.
i did find some comfort in psalm 13:
'how long, o Lord? will you forget me forever? how long will you hide your face from me?
how long must i take counsel in my soul and have sorrow in my heart all the day? how long shall my enemy be exalted over me?
consider and answer me, o Lord, my God; light up my eyes, lest i sleep the sleep of death, lest my enemy say, "i have prevailed over him," lest my foes rejoice because i am shaken.
but i have trusted in your steadfast love; my heart shall rejoice in your salvation.
i will sing to the Lord, because he has dealt bountifully with me.'
the verse mentioning sorrow in the heart all day long is something i can completely identify with. and i'm encouraged by the last portion of the psalm...i'm not there yet...but i can be...it is possible... just takes time.
and my enemy right now? yup. satan. he keeps trying to steal my joy...he keeps trying to make me forget what 'laurissa' means. i don't want it to happen...but i feel so helpless and trapped.
i didn't ask to learn this lesson................but who asks for lessons to learn??
the scene susana shared was from 'the silver chair', when jill is in the home of the giants and she begins to cry. lewis takes care to point out that tears are not childish but sometimes necessary. this simple part of the book was just what susana needed on one particular day.
i find myself in that place now. some tears come from time to time. i'm not happy. i'm quite sad actually. and i'm unable to shake it. i know it's something that God is working through me...
i watched a movie this evening... 'fried green tomatoes'...it's an alright movie. there was a line that stood out to me. "heartbreaks happen, but the heart goes on beating."
i loved my time in amsterdam working at the shelter jordan and living in the willemsstraat. my life in amsterdam was full, and i was fully alive in it, experiencing a much more abundant life than i had ever experienced. all of my senses were working overtime (and not just my senses but my heart and my mind and my emotions)... and i didn't mind it at all.
i've been home 2 months. what do i have to show in these 2 months? nothing like what i could share in just a week in the hostel! it's sad.
you know...i've never been this deep in sorrow before...but my feeling 2 months after finishing at the shelter jordan is one of heartbreak. and i know heartbreak happens, and the heart does go on beating, but honestly (it's scarey even writing this), i'd be content if my heart stopped beating.
i've probably shocked some of you at what i've just written. i wanted to be honest, and this is the first time i've admitted this thought that keeps appearing and annoying me.
i did find some comfort in psalm 13:
'how long, o Lord? will you forget me forever? how long will you hide your face from me?
how long must i take counsel in my soul and have sorrow in my heart all the day? how long shall my enemy be exalted over me?
consider and answer me, o Lord, my God; light up my eyes, lest i sleep the sleep of death, lest my enemy say, "i have prevailed over him," lest my foes rejoice because i am shaken.
but i have trusted in your steadfast love; my heart shall rejoice in your salvation.
i will sing to the Lord, because he has dealt bountifully with me.'
the verse mentioning sorrow in the heart all day long is something i can completely identify with. and i'm encouraged by the last portion of the psalm...i'm not there yet...but i can be...it is possible... just takes time.
and my enemy right now? yup. satan. he keeps trying to steal my joy...he keeps trying to make me forget what 'laurissa' means. i don't want it to happen...but i feel so helpless and trapped.
i didn't ask to learn this lesson................but who asks for lessons to learn??
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
